Feel uneasy

Dunno why I suddenly feel more n more uneasy.. Maybe lesser meetup, or maybe she's back( back to get back the things she use to love and still love) Nv feel this uneasy feeling before or feeling so uneasy so strong..Am I scared? I dunno.. Maybe yes/maybe no..but I hate this feeling!! What ever it is what my is my! What not my I won't want it..

Meaningless

Gt to act in life.. Gt to act strong, act like a joker, act weak... Act!! I hate acting!!
At home, I alway nv talk much because I Knw wadever I talk I will jus gt scolded or my bro/ mum will talk back to me.. So wads the point of talking to them.. They won't cares about me, so when I nv talk they though I'm acting cool.. Bro always hits me( disturb) but I can't hit him back ever since young( mum will hit n scold me for hitting her son n say his jus playing with u) WTH!! I've already try to be Gd daughter to them asp her but there's no way I can even win her heart once...
Ian at time behave quite man but at time like a kid.. At time it make me super angry/ piss off asp when he say his Gd ........ Than others.. Which to me I think it's better not to think too highly of self..
I really hope time can pass super fast.. So I can leave this house, no need study, no need act, no need gt bully by ppl....I really hope... Ending all this asap..

unknw feeling....but i hate it!!

haiz.. its exam period.. haven been working for 3 months hoping i can forces on study n score well but during the prelims its like a hell to me i actually forget all my things once i step in the hall.. hope it wont happen at actual exam in ending of may..

Relationship:

With Ian so far sailing quite good,although he keep nags me to study n study..
BUT..at home...

After sis gt marry things at home are like up down slop...From the start my house is already very "old minded(only cares more on guy)" but once sis gt marry things are like getting worst..Whenever any of my parents is sick or injury i will inform my sibling.. But now when there's any "news about my parents i will tell me brother instead than of both of them except for serious matter.. And because of that my mum dote my brother even more.. when relative call she will tell others that my brother gt give them money when he gt his pay,care for their health by asking them about their health and worry about them (when behind every scene i'm always the first person to know all the things that had happen n worry/take care of them)when relative ask or say things about me her comment is like ok lor,or ver bad... (everything or words i say will only be negative to her because she only listen to the negative parts from me and positive from my brother..) ARGH!!
Sometime i really hope that is best I'm not at home,at home i got to do housework when the mans no need.. But if i never help do i,myself cant beg to let her do all things herself.. Haiz.. During this period when i never go work but staying at home trying to study and my brother went to work as sale I'm even more depress.. She will compare me and my brother pay, saying how capable is he how poor thing is he(waking up early to work,coming home late, haven eat dinner..etc) Worst when he work i got more things to do,help him buy formal shirts ,shoes etc. (ask by mum using mum money that she claim its brother money).. When he return home late i got to help mum wash clothes whenever i can (she's tired and still need to work on the next day)
But when i work did she even think of me?? NO!I used to work and study for my expenses n sch fees but she never think or care for me before..I hate this type of feeling/treatment!!

I've cried:)

Dunno why I feel ver emotion suddenly and I've spend 20 mins crying while bathing at home.. After crying, I looked myself into the mirrior and start wondering n laugh.. How silly I am!!

Life so far...

It's been 5 months?? I've nt being to this blog n start blogging... Lol.. Busy with my 2 jobs n going to start going driving lesson n school soon... Wahaha..

Today a friens of my text me suddenly, asking me question so she can clear her mind on who she should believe n stuff.. While of course by answering those question it allow me to recall stupid things I've done again..( I'm really can't believe tat I'm such a idiot n stupid ) n u are right we really nv start anything before I'm the wrong tat think we are tgt.. Haha.. I dunno weather u will see my blog anymore but I jus wanna tell u this... U are an idiot!! Enjoy ur new/ renew life now:) take care n all the best my friend.. N dun forget to take car of ur mum which really need u n ur bro n both of u are the closer kin she had.. Dun make her worry n angry.. Smoke lesser n eat more healthy food :)

At work, I'm leaving the office soon for study so they hire a new boy to understudy from me.. Talking about him only make my blood boill, he only dun listen to my words or my Shi Fu words He like to challenge n talk back to us when we point out his mistake.. Xiao didi listen la!! When I'm gone I think the checkers can start to cry tgt wif the manger cause even the manger also complain to me about him.. Wahaha!!

I miss the girls.. Asp pris.... Haven been meeting her for months!! Miss her so much la!!

Need to stay away!

I need to stay away... If nt things will go wrong.. N if things go wrong I will suffer again.. Dun wish to think dun wish to bother but sometime its jus Irresistible..Argh!! Dun wish to think too much it not things will change but if never think too much things will went wrong.. I'm so dead now!! :(

New building = new life

Company is going to start moving this week:) gt gd n bad... Gd: new office, more clean, more new..... Bad : need to eat at 12 for lunch no more 12.30 or 1:( more work load:( because after moving to the new building there will be 2 man sort... Saded!! I need to cover 2 ppl workload wif same pay:((